Is House of Pain’s Infamous Donut Boast Full of Holes?

By Oliver Jacob • 3 years ago • Featured Donut Maker, Blog

Rap is a musical genre that uses powerful vocal delivery performed in a rapid, slangy and often boastful rhyming pattern.

The boast is a way for rappers to flex their vocal muscles, so to speak, in an effort to prove one’s badassness and MC mastery. Rappers mainly bust exaggerated tales about wealth, women, wild debauchery and brushes with the police.

But sometimes a lyrical genius will slide a brilliant donut reference into a verse that instantly solidifies his or her status as rap music’s G.O.A.T.

In this case, it was back in 1992 when Everlast, the front-man for rap group House of Pain, boastfully claimed in HOP’s hit song Jump Around, “I got more rhymes than there are cops at a Dunkin’ Donuts shop.” We’ve heard some outrageous claims from rappers before like pairing glazed donuts with fish—EW! But none have left the donut world and possibly the police force more shook than suggesting that anyone’s mouth could move faster than cops eating donuts at a donut shop. Donut diehards around the world demanded proof! So we at ILD consulted with the world’s top donuteers and mathematicians to help us uncover the truth about this boast once and for all.

The Boast

House of Pain states that the rate at which they produce rhymes is greater than that of the rate at which cops visit Dunkin’ Donuts.

The Equation

Rhyming in rap music is about beat and timing. In Jump Around, House of Pain wails about 50 rhymes over the course of 3 minutes and 34 seconds, resulting in a rhyme rate of about 14 rhymes per minute.

To determine the number of cops in a Dunkin’ Donuts, we use the following formula:

The number of police officers in the US today (Np) is over one million, but back in 1992, this number was around 780,000 [1]. In 2017, 3 million people visited a Dunkin Donuts [3] each day, out of a total population of 325 million. So fDD is 0.9%.

Don’t let your eyes glaze over, we’re almost done.

It’s a common stereotype that police officers eat a lot of donuts. In fact, 80% of cops are overweight [4] as compared to the general population being about 67% overweight [5]. Police officers are 20% more likely to be fat and probably about 20% more likely to have unhealthy eating habits. Therefore, approximately 20% of Popos are more likely to consume a daily donut than the general populace. So fce is 1.2.

The Results

In 1992, police officers visited Dunkin’ Donuts at the rate of 5.85 cops/minute. If we compare that to the rhyme rapidity of Everlast at 14 rhymes per minute, we can confidently say that this rap boast is for realz—House of Pain can spit rhymes faster than cops scarf donuts at a Dunkin’.

As long as bad guys keep taking time away from law enforcement’s precious donut breaks, this claim is unlikely to be challenged by police officers any time soon.